He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just forgot I was standing up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
