im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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