If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
