When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
