He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
