So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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