It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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