11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
