We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
