Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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