he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
