just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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