Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
