dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
