My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
