put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was born a porn star she said
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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