I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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