Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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