So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
