i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
