You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize