It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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