this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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