If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Too much gin, very little bucket
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
