Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize