I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
