i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
