I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
