I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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