my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize