would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
