I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
