so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
