She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wear drunk well.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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