There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
