I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
