you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
