i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
