We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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