Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
