Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize