haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
