I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
