a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
