the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
