if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
