Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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