I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
