once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
