I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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