ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
