the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need moral support for this bender
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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