Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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