I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
