RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
