shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
