it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
