We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
