I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
