Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
