you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
