So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
