dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
