I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
