I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
